You dey Mad ?! Part 3
YOU DEY MAD
Mayowa Ojo
6/10/20263 min read
"Ehen, dem say na you dey do jazz," one of the policemen at the station yelled at Larry even though he was standing less than 3 feet away from him.
Larry looked up at him with as much interest as a chicken might have in a gun fight! He was still in shock at the savage way in which the officers at the station had descended on the fake policemen, leaving them with swollen, cut faces and a plethora of insults rubbed in for good measure.
To his right was Tasha, handcuffed and chained to a pole to prevent her from running off. He looked at her with so much compassion yet his confusion lingered on how to undo what he did to her.
It did not take long before he was summoned to be profiled, stripped of his car key, wallet, wristwatch and phone but not before he saw that it was 11:38pm.
Earlier when no one was watching, on the way to the station, he texted the location of the station to his mom, a practicing judge. The division and station name were boldly printed on the pickup truck that the real policemen arrived in. Unusually, she had not yet called back and it worried Larry because he knew that if she later called while he was in custody, he wouldn’t have access to his phone.
"Bone say I be policeman oh, I be Benin man. Beta Benin man. All dis your jazz no fit do anything for here. I go flog you, flog your jazz comot for…”
Larry read the officer’s name tag: Osagie. Fair enough, he thought. Then he made as if to stand up and Osagie quickly moved a few steps back instinctively; clearly afraid.
Larry wanted to laugh at the officer’s cowardice but knew better than to do that.
“Psst, wey you? Oga wan see you,” an officer behind the counter yelled at Larry and pointed to a door with DPO printed on a paper and stuck on.
********
After writing his statement and rehashing everything that had happened for the fifth time that night, Larry was exhausted. The DPO leaned back in his chair, tipped his head back and appeared to be lost in thought.
“Do you realize how bad this is for you? There’s been a massive campaign to clamp down on yahoo boys and technically speaking you fit the bill. You’re young, allegedly in tech, you look like you’ve made a little success and you allegedly have access to diabolical powers.”
Larry said nothing in response, recognizing that a question was not asked. Both engaged in a short staring contest.
As with the rest of the police station, the DPO looked staged – like he did not belong there. Larry estimated the man was likely mid-thirties and he looked fit. He was articulate and looked nothing like the pot-bellied DPOs he’d come to understand were in charge of most police stations.
“I would imagine that even the police are trained not to judge a book by its cover,” Larry said.
“If it barks like a dog and looks like a dog, it’s very likely a dog,” DPO retorted.
Larry sighed. “So, what then is the point of my statement?”
“I think you’re smart. Maybe I was wrong. Any idiot can fabricate a statement and rehash it long enough for it to be believable,” the DPO spat out, irritated.
Both men fell silent: the DPO looked at Larry expecting a response but got nothing.
Larry sat there wondering how he would extricate himself from this mess while keeping the threats of anger at bay. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn’t a superhero and that he could not go cursing people around him just to escape an arrest.
The DPO picked up a desk phone and waited a few seconds before speaking. “Please come and carry this criminal away. I have work to do.”
Larry snapped out of his reverie with eyes wide open.
“Yes, keep him with Killer. They should get along very well.”
Larry immediately knelt down with his hands up.
“I’m sorry sir. I’m very sorry. What do you want me to do?”
“You have lost your chance at having a civil conversation. Time to show you the force in police force.”
Larry almost started crying.
“I swear I’m not a ritualist and…”
Larry’s phone which had been in the DPO’s custody rang. The caller ID read ‘BLOOD’ and the time on the screen was 00:00.
The DPO arched one eyebrow, raised the phone so Larry could see who was calling him.
“Blood is calling you at precisely midnight.”
Larry felt all the blood drain from his face.